Don't say the Z word: pacing and exposition

It can be tricky to keep track of what your characters know, what the reader knows, and what information needs to be given to who by who at what point in the story.

I love a bit of dramatic irony. Any time I can show the reader that the character is going into a situation without all of the information they need, that makes me happy deep in my slightly evil writer's soul. One character witnesses a thing that means the other character's plans are doomed to fail unless the last minute message can get through? Sign. Me. Up.

She knows! But she doesn't know that he knows she knows! (c) NBC/Bryan Fuller

But it's hard to pull those moments off in prose. (It's a lot easier in visual media, where there's inevitably a certain amount going on in any given frame that the viewer knows and the characters don't.)

There's plenty of writerly advice about exposition and how not to do it - google 'infodump' and 'as you know bob' for some perennial favourites. But here are three examples that have been bugging me recently.

I can't tell you that. Why not? Er...
Jake knows that Terry loves yoghurt. Jake finds out that yoghurt is going to be banned in the state of New York, but doesn't tell Terry. Even when Terry mentions how happy he is that he'll always be able to buy yoghurt, Jake doesn't say anything.

How does that make the reader feel about Jake?

Pretty much like this (c) Brooklyn Nine Nine

If you want a character to withhold information, they had better have a really good reason for doing that, and most importantly, you had better communicate that to the reader somehow. They don't need to know all the details, but they have to be able to pick up on the subtext that's stopping Jake giving his friend the information that he needs.

Perhaps Terry says something like 'man, if anyone told me I couldn't have yoghurt any more, I'd break his neck' and Jake replies 'no doubt no doubt' and then runs out of the room - Jake is still a bad friend, but it's because he's a coward, which is understandable even if it's not likeable.

Whereas if you don't put in some kind of acknowledgement, it just seems like you either forgot that Jake had that information, or - which is worse - decided that he couldn't say anything because you want Terry not to know it until later, and hoped nobody would notice.

Yoghurt aside, this tends to apply especially to secondary characters who are supposed to be wise or in positions of power, your kings and wizards. If they have vital information about how to defeat the dark lord, you might want to consider having them tell somebody about it - perhaps this hero who has come riding by, asking for dark lord defeating tips? If they keep schtum and then rock up at the hero's darkest hour saying 'by the way, the dark lord's weakness is his little finger - I knew that all along, just needed to double check you were worthy before I told you', you might have a small plot problem.

I've just seen a unicorn, but never mind that - what's for lunch?
Whether it's urban, space, epic or nostalgic, pretty much all fantasy writers have to deal with how their character reacts when they come across something that doesn't fit into their understanding of the world.

Sometimes, there's no time to dwell - they're in the adventure now, and there's no turning back. Protagonists like Alice can take Wonderland in their stride, because they've crossed the threshold into another world, and no amount of logic will change the fact that you've eaten a cake and now you're huge and being poked with a stick by a toad in a waistcoat.

'Seriously, which part of this would you like me to question first?' (C) Carroll/Tenniel

But sometimes you want to present your hero with a little teaser of the weirdness to come, or you need your protagonist to go on living their normal life around the developing strangeness. When it's handled poorly, you can get situations where the character gets a mystical vision, or is briefly transported to another world, or sees a unicorn cantering down the high street... and goes on as if nothing strange has happened at all.

There are ways around it, and I've used some of them, and not always the particularly clever ones either. People are very good at disbelieving the evidence of their own eyes, you just have to make sure they're doing it for a reason that makes sense. Perhaps Will already has incredibly vivid dreams, or terrible insomnia (or is taking some kind of substance if it's not a children's book). Maybe Ruth knows that as a teenage girl in Salem, admitting to anyone that she did magic in the woods last night is not a good survival plan. Maybe Meg just doesn't have anyone in her life she would want to tell that she turned into a fox...

One book that I think handles this brilliantly is Paul Cornell's London Falling - four different characters have weirdness thrust upon them, and they each handle it differently, each one relating it to their specific character traits and experiences. Having a group of protagonists whose experiences illuminate their similarities and differences, who can confide and check in with each other about what's happening is a genius move.

Walkers, Walkers everywhere and not a brain to eat
This is where the Z word comes into it. There's a whole TV Tropes page about this one.

The problem with 'genre' fiction is that about 5 times out of 10, the reader knows roughly what to expect from the plot before the characters do.

Even if a zombie story manages to convince you that it's set in a world that's exactly like ours except that none of the characters know what a zombie is, you still know exactly what's going on. The heroes can't help it, but they will seem slow on the uptake if it takes them a long time to figure out that the strangely dead-looking people shuffling towards them with grasping hands and drooling lips are undead, hungry and not just looking for a hug.

A classic exception to the rule - Shaun of the Dead plays this trope for laughs and pulls it off magnificently. (C) Simon Pegg/Edgar Wright

Look at your book. It doesn't matter whether it's finished and sold to a publisher or not, think of it as a publishable object for a minute. Imagine your ideal cover. Now imagine your worst nightmare cover, because let's be honest, it's best to be prepared.

Is there a 98% chance your book is going to have a bloody great dragon on the cover? Is your blurb inevitably going to include a phrase like 'But when Sophia's uncle is kidnapped by fairies, she must...'? When readers pick up your book, do they already know that there's going to be magic going on inside, and do they have a pretty good idea of how that magic operates?

If they do, that's not necessarily a bad thing. After all, if you say there is a dragon, the reader might not know exactly how your dragons function in your world but they'll have an instant thumbnail idea of what you're talking about, which means you can either save on the expositional legwork or get your subversion on.

The first Triwizard task is a secret and a mystery! I wonder what it could possibly be! (c) JK Rowling, awesome cover art by Kazu Kibuishi, Jonny Duddle and Giles Greenfield respectively

But, it does mean there's not much point trying to go for the 'surprise' magic reveal late on in the book (which, to be fair, JK Rowling doesn't - it's not really a surprise that there are dragons, because there have been dragons in the series before, it's finding out when Harry's going to encounter one that is the fun part). There's pacing out your story so the character isn't given more than she can handle, and then there's dragging things out so much that the reader loses patience with the story.

Suspension of disbelief is for things, not people.

That's probably a debatable statement, but for me, a book can succeed or completely fail on whether I believe that the characters would act the way they do. You can throw as many plot twists and fantasy elements at them as you like, but if Jake doesn't mention the yoghurt ban, you're in real trouble!

Demon Hunting with Little Brown

It's cryptic reveal time once again as I am massively proud to announce that I am Spartacus Erin Hunter OLIVIA CHASE, author of Demon Hunters: Trinity. And the book comes out IN ONE MONTH'S TIME!

OMG, LOOK AT THAT COVER THOUGH, ISN'T IT STUNNING? (C) HACHETTE

Blurb time:

For fans of Cassandra Clare, this kick-ass new series will keep you on the edge of your seat . . .

With an occult detective for a dad, Diana's normal life has never been too normal. Uprooted by investigations, she finds herself on a long train journey to Edinburgh, sitting next to a boy who makes her heart melt. Or something melt. Anyway, she's melting. Maybe a new life in Scotland won't be so bad, after all?

But when Di's recurring nightmares start to come true, her destiny changes for ever. After her dad goes missing, she becomes part of a Trinity of Demon Hunters. Along with her two new friends, she needs to face down death, rescue her dad and save their city. Because that's what Demon Hunters do, right?

There's only one question left to answer: how do you kill a dead man?

This book has everything, if by 'everything' you mean action, sarcasm, moths, great female characters and the odd severed head.

Olivia is an amalgam of myself and the fantastically twisted editors at Little, Brown Young Readers. We've been working on Trinity and its sequel together and it's been a huge blast. I can't wait to unleash Diana and her demon hunting friends on the world!

RuPaul is excited too. RuPaul would want you to buy this book. (Statement not endorsed by RuPaul) (Yet)

Trinity comes out on September the 8th. You can pre-order it at all the usual places (Amazon! Hive! Your local bookshop!) and it's on Netgalley for you bloggers and reviewers. And there's some cool stuff coming in the next month so look out on Twitter for that (@rosiejbest and @LBkidsUK).

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

New Erin, Who This?

It's here! Publication day for Dead of Night, book two of Survivors: The Gathering Darkness by Erin Hunter - written by yours truly!

This was the cryptic clue for Survivors! It's a golden deer, because there's a golden deer in it... (c) dreamstime.com

I finished the book this time last year so this reveal has been a looooooong time coming!

For any readers who might be here from Twitter or Google or the Meet Erin Hunter page (where I am! Look it's me!) here are some FAQs:

Who are you?

I'm a writer and editor professionally, and a singer, gamer and all round general nerd in my spare time. I have three cats, Misty, Midnight and Imp. I live with my girlfriend in a little house on the edge of Cambridge. 

It me! And Imp! (c) me

How did you start writing Survivors?

I've actually worked on the Erin series in some capacity or other for nearly ten years, starting out by helping Vicky out with the Warriors fanmail! I've been an editor on Survivors since the beginning. 

I got involved with writing when we realised that Inbali Iserles wouldn't be able to write for the second series of Survivors (she was super busy with a baby on the way as well as launching her own wonderful fox fantasy series, Foxcraft!). Having helped create the first series with Gillian, Inbali and my fellow editors, I knew the characters and the mythology really well, so HarperCollins decided to give me a chance. 

I am so happy that they did. I absolutely love this series, and it's a thrill being trusted to come on board at a moment of such high drama - I won't spoil it for readers who may not have read A Pack Divided yet, but the darkness is well and truly gathering. 

What's it like working with the other Survivors Erins?

It's awesome. I love Gillian and Inbali's writing - I was Gillian's editor on Mysteries of Ravenstorm Island too, we had a lot of fun on that one - and the whole editorial team are seriously clever people with seriously cool ideas.

Favourite Survivors character?

It has to be Sunshine. I love Storm very much (and Bella, Sweet, Martha, Mickey, Twitch, Arrow and Daisy, to name a small selection of my faves) but Sunshine is the dog who stole my heart. I just love her enthusiasm and the way she's gone from a slightly annoying character and a bit of a burden on the Pack to a dog who not only has a role to play but brings dignity and joy to being the lowest ranked dog in the Pack.

Is that really Whisper on the cover of Dead of Night?
Yep. He plays a pretty major role in the book so we thought, why not? The others are Rake, Twitch and obviously Storm. Whisper is a mongrel but he looks like there's a lot of blue heeler in his background. I think he's gorgeous! Poor Whisper... 

Who's the traitor?!

That's a cheeky question and I like having secrets. (c) ITV

Which Survivors books are you writing?

I'm writing The Gathering Darkness books 2 and 5 and Gillian is doing 1, 3, 4 and 6. 

What other books have you written?

My first novel published under my own name was Skulk - a dark YA urban fantasy about a girl who gets the power to shapeshift into a fox. 

For younger readers, I've also written two middle grade trilogies for fiction packagers, writing under pseudonyms. Secret Ninja Spies (as 'Alex Ko'), is a funny action series about a pair of twins who discover their Japanese grandmother is secretly a ninja, and The Last Apprentice (as 'Imogen Rossi') is a fantasy adventure about a girl who uses magic painting techniques to travel between pictures and solve the mystery of her master's poisoning.

Things and Stuff #22

Things and Stuff is a grab-bag of things that've been on my mind this week. In this edition: comics, Wembley, Eden, pods, eyeballs

This is going to be a fairly quick one.

Thing 1: Rat Planet

I finally read two awesome comics I've been meaning to get to for ages - Rat Queens and Bitch Planet. They are both great. Rat Queens is funny, filthy, bloody fantasy about a gang of rowdy adventurers battling trolls and trying to find out who framed them. Bitch Planet is a sci-fi dystopia about the prison planet where women are sent when they commit 'crimes' that are non-compliant with the ruling patriarchy. Both of them are NSFW and feminist and diverse. Bitch Planet particularly made me fall off my chair with horrified glee. It's not subtle, but that's kind of its charm. It takes real world sexism that we're all deeply familiar with, dials it up to 100 and throws a giant lampshade on it.

One of the more SFW bits (c) Image Comics and Kelly Sue DeConnick

It is the horrifying patriarchal dystopia of my heart. If you only read one horrifying patriarchal dystopia this year, make it this one.

Thing 2: Hello Wembley, goodbye Birmingham
I've done my Hans Zimmer gigs. They were freaking amazing.

Until they take the videos down (and they seem to be far more tolerant this time than last time actually), you can see quite a bit of it by plugging 'Hans Zimmer Live' into Youtube or Instagram. I particularly recommend Interstellar and the Lion King! I didn't know the Interstellar music at all before we started rehearsing for this and now wow, that ending, I, wow.

Anyway, here is our sort of signature moment, a Crimson Tide medley that turns into the fiendishly hard and a+ perfectly named 160 BPM from Angels and Demons.

Sadly, my last Zimmer Live gig was the one in Birmingham on Tuesday. Happily, I'm going to have plenty more fun weird choir stuff for these posts in the next few months.

Speaking of which...

Thing 3: Rowing in Eden
The next actual CEFC concert with the full 100-strong choir which we've been working up to for months and months is finally here! It's on Monday the 18th in the Barbican Centre at 7:30pm.

Also, bloody hell, look at this stunning thing, I kind of want this image framed to hang on my wall (c) CEFC

If you are in London, you should come. We're doing Poulenc's Gloria, which is fun and weirdly cheeky for a piece of classical music (one movement was inspired by monks playing football...), Vaughan Williams' Serenade to Music which is gorgeous, and John Adams' Harmonium which is utterly amazing and strange and knocks 160 BPM into next week in terms of heart-pounding difficulty.

Thing 4: Bangity Bang, Hello to Jason Isaacs, Shut Up Phone, It's Just Us Here, What's Next?
I love the Cornell Collective.

Actually, I love podcasts in general. I have a real podcast problem: when I subscribe to a new podcast I like to listen to all of it. When it's something like the Nerdist, which seems to put out an episode every day and stretches back into the depths of history (like, 2010) this is a real problem. I've been working my way through the back-catalogue of the Pharos Project (Doctor Who and dirty jokes), What's The T with Ru Paul (drag, life and dirty jokes) and The Indoor Kids (video games and... wow lots of these podcasts are really filthy). Plus I'm obviously keeping up to date with the vital ones, your Wittertainments and Empire Movie Podcasts and Adam Buxtons and Answer Me Thises and West Wing Weeklys (Josh Malina and Hrishikesh Hirway rewatch and review the West Wing one episode at a time. No massively dirty jokes yet, but they're only on episode four, there's still time.)

The only drawback to my massive podcast habit is a) that there are so many more I will probably never get to (Song Exploder, The Black Tapes, even Serial, they're on the list, I just haven't had the chance), and b) that if I hear another advert for Squarespace I think I might rip my own ears off and feed them to the nearest podcaster. (Not that I am not very grateful to all the advertisers for providing me with more free quality entertainment than I could ever possibly cram into my brain, but... seriously.)

ANYWAY - this was meant to be a fairly simple rec entry, so let's just say one of the good things about the Cornell Collective, Paul Cornell's wonderful geeky creator podcast is that it's monthly and has been going for less than a year so it's possible to catch up. Also, it's wonderful! And geeky! And stars creators from the worlds of TV, film and comics, talking about geeky things and usually some Doctor Who! If you like these things, you should listen to it.

Here you go: http://cornellcollective.geekplanetonline.com/podcast/the-cornell-collective-01/

Thing 5: [Eyeball squick warning]

Jessie tore her cornea last weekend. It was awful. She's much better now, and I know where my local A+E is and how to get there, so that's a tiny silver lining. Just a word of advice, for anyone who is thinking of getting hit in the face with a tree branch and tearing their cornea: don't.

Things and Stuff #20

Things and Stuff is a grab-bag of things that've been on my mind this week. In this edition: secrets, Instagram, endings, UV16, Pixar

Thing 1: [redacted]
I am a woman of many secrets at the moment.

I have been sent a thing to read. I have been sent things to watch. I have been told about a thing I might get to sing. I have written things and sent them off to be read and/or sold.

Once again, I find myself either explicitly forbidden to talk about the things or uncertain about whether it's politic to talk about the things, so let's play another round of Rosie's Cryptic Clues! (And... no, I still can't do the reveal on any of the previous clues, so don't ask.)

In no particular order (ie not the order I listed them above, ooh I'm sneaky):

 

Aliens (C) James Cameron, angels (c) William-Adolphe Bouguereau (1825-1905), meme (c) The Internet, lights (c) the Internet

Thing 2: I hadn't actually logged on to Instagram in about three years
But now I have! I am rosiejbest over there and am using If This Then That (which is mostly working) to repost pics to Twitter and Facebook so now you can enjoy pictures of my cats in triplicate all over your internet. You are welcome.

And also the odd - very odd - selfie (c) me

Thing 3: these two articles about lesbian and bisexual women on television
Warning: this one is a little depressing, especially if you are LGBTQ and you like television. It's also inherently spoilery, so don't click if you're averse to hearing about character death. Lots and lots of character death.

In response to yet another dead lesbian on TV recently, Autostraddle compiled these two lists: 29 TV lesbians who got happy endings and 143 TV lesbians who were killed off.

I was talking to a straight friend who was thinking about writing a lesbian romance just the other month. She asked me for advice. My one and only piece of serious advice: please, whatever you do, don't kill off your lesbians. She seemed surprised that this was a Thing. So let me just put this out there for anyone else who may have missed this: Bury Your Gays IS A THING.

By the current Autostraddle reckoning (though they keep updating it, both numbers have been going up) I'm going to need about a hundred more happy endings before I'll accept another death without major side-eye.

Get on that, TV writers.

Thing 4: Undiscovered Voices 2016
Another SCBWI Undiscovered Voices anthology has just been released, hopefully launching the careers of another twelve writers and nine illustrators! I know we have agent news from at least four of the writers, and the winning illustrations were featured on the Guardian website.

Congratulations to all the winners, all the longlisters, and all the organisers - it was another brilliant year for undiscovered talent, here's hoping that you all get discovered very soon if you haven't been already! I know there are several of these books I am dying to read.

You can read the anthology here, and get your fix of news from the #UV2016 hashtag on Twitter!

Thing 5: this Pixar short made me cry, twice

Things and Stuff #19

Things and Stuff is a grab-bag of things that've been on my mind this week. In this edition: utter loathing, a silver lining, and three random nice things

Thing 1: I hated Only Ever Yours, and here is why

[Trigger warning, and spoiler for what I'm about to say: fictional sexual and emotional abuse, but mostly self-image problems and fatshaming, so much fatshaming I can barely breathe, so much I swear it has given me an actual crick in my neck from spending so much time recently feeling furious and upset.]

Only Ever Yours is The Handmaid's Tale for teenagers, so you know it's going to be pretty grim. And it is: this is a universe in which terrible, terrible things are completely normal. This is a universe where girls are groomed literally their entire lives to be perfect, submissive, blank slates. When they turn 16 they will become either wives who are killed at 30, or sex slaves who last less long than that, or sexless teachers who impose these same things on younger girls until they drop dead...

And the absolute worst thing the main character or anyone else in this world can imagine happening to them is to end up looking like me.

KILL IT WITH FIRE (c) Louise O'Neill. This is presented out of context by necessity, but also I think reading it out of context may be the closest you can get to experiencing it the way I did...

I understand that the book is meant to be condemning this attitude, making it so extreme as to be ridiculous, mirroring the thoughts of an anorexic person onto an entire culture to show how absurd the whole thing is. I understand that it's a dystopia and in that context of course the main character would feel like that. I understand.

But excuse me if I don't care. Excuse me if I can't quite focus on the worldbuilding while reading the point of view of a character who believes I am so disgusting I do not deserve to live.

This is not theoretical. When it's as constant as this, it just stops being about the context. I don't care what the author was trying to do. What she actually did was write phrases like 'nobody will ever love a fat girl' over and over and over again. What she did was have her main character be so obsessed with her weight that she does herself an injury, and violently humiliate girls who put on a few pounds (leaving me wondering what the hell these people would do if they saw me - quite possibly have a heart attack and die, which would be fine by me). 

You are god damn right I'm taking this personally. 

I think the real problem is that when it comes to this aspect of the book, this is not some wild dystopian fantasy she's presenting here. This is what people really think.

If you are not fat, you might not know this, or might not care. But this is exactly what people think about people like me. And it's not just airbrushed supermodels in all the magazines and hateful scum on the internet: in a Yougov survey I took recently, about 70% of respondents agreed that people like me should be refused medical care until they lost weight.

Refused. Medical. Care.

I respect people, especially other fat people, who can read this book and simply see its obsession with how disgusting we are as a cautionary tale of where society could go. I totally respect people who can be disturbed by the book as a whole, and tut, and say how awful, we should feel sympathy for these girls because they are victims.

I am not that person. I hated this book and I hated all the characters, and it was a reaction of pure self-preservation, because they hated me first. If I had bought it in paperback instead of ebook I would probably burn it, not because it was a bad book that nobody should ever read, but because I feel the need to exorcise it from my life.

(I really didn't need the abrupt and shallow gay panic section either - yet another example of 'oooooh look at my fancy subtext' without anything to back it up - or the utter lack of any redeeming features in any of the female characters who we actually get to spend any time with, that is until the one good boy comes along and shows the painfully stupid main character the error of her bitchy ways. To be honest, the nihilism of it all struck me as profoundly unfeminist in places. But y'know, mostly the fat thing.)

Thing 2: the silver lining

I've read more in the couple of weeks since I finished Only Ever Yours than I have in ages. I don't know if it's because my day job and my sideline both involve so much written fiction, or what, but reading for pleasure had started to feel a bit of a chore. But in the last week I devoured The Ocean At The End Of The Lane by Neil Gaiman, which I adored and which made me cry in the good way, and I'm a good chunk into Wake by Anna Hope, which is also really great so far. I think that Only Ever Yours has reset the bar for books I read so incredibly low that I'm finding a whole new joy in it now.

Thing 3, 4 and 5: three things to cheer me up after I've made myself tense and sad writing about this

I had some really good related news last week and also this video is really pretty and soothing (c) Bandana Glassworks

Good advice, Mister J (c) via alias-milamber on Tumblr, I don't know who made the image but the cosplayer is Anthony Misiano

Pure joy (c) Walk The Moon, too many movies to list and MsTabularasa on Youtube

Things and Stuff #15

Post-Chem, music, sportsball, research, [insert fifth thing here]

Thing 1: a post-Strange-Chemistry life
Strange Chemistry closed down two weeks ago today. I've been busy - finishing one story, restarting another, rehearsing for the Proms and recording at Abbey Road, trying to persuade my cats that they want to be stroked (they don't), attending Transpose, watching Orange is the New Black and Agents of SHIELD, reading The P45 Diaries (so far I'm unconvinced but it's for Book Club). Plus, working on some very exciting stories for WP. Just... getting on with things.

Out-of-context Batman cancan gif, surprisingly apt actually (C) the internet

I have started to make some tentative Plans about what will happen to Rabble, but nothing I can elaborate on yet. Watch this space! As @maggiemassacre pointed out to me on Twitter, Amazon US changed Rabble's listing, not to delete it altogether, but to reschedule it for 2035. I can promise you right here and now, Rabble will appear in some kind of readable form before 2035...

Thing 2: this 8tracks playlist
Songs from animated movies, sung in the language from the country where the story is set. Can You Feel The Love Tonight in an African language and (I can't remember which - 8tracks hides the track list until you've listened to it, which is sort of cool but right now mostly annoying) is a highlight. Under The Sea in Danish - but still in a Caribbean accent - is surreal but also fairly awesome.

Thing 3: Sportsball!
I am unusually invested in how well the sports people sports their sports - mostly down to the office sweepstake we have going in aid of Teenage Cancer Trust. But it might all be over by the end of the day! I am rooting for Columbia to deliver an upset against Brazil this evening. Similarly, my Wimbledon sweepstake tennis player Federer is about to step onto Centre Court right now. Come on, sports people! Sports the ball! Sports it really well!

Unfortunately I won't get to see either sportsball meeting, I will be at choir attempting to get my head around some tricky Russian accidentals (c) Psych/the internet

Thing 4: I lost my keys and found my inspiration
This actually happened a month or two ago, only days after handing in the second draft of Rabble, but I suddenly remembered about it today. I was searching inside the sofa for my lost keys when I unearthed the notebook in which I started collecting my research for my next book, which I was doing when Skulk sold to Strange Chemistry and my writing focus abruptly swung back around to foxes and magic stones.

Here is an exclusive, quasi-representative glimpse of the kind of thing you can expect from this book:

Hetero interlude (c) me from Porter, James and Mayhew.

Thing 5: my cats are really cute

I mean, I'm just saying. 

Why yes, I did run out of Things (c) me

Things and Stuff #14

House, Rabble, what?, kittens, herons

Thing 1: Moving, just keep moving

I moved house two days before Christmas. This was definitely better than moving two days after Christmas would have been, but quite stressful and weird all the same.

My house is awesome. It has stairs. And a fireplace. That you can put fire in. And working wifi, and doors, and a dishwasher which has changed my life pretty much beyond recognition, and a garden although not really plants yet, and a shed, and a table you can actually sit at, and nowhere near enough bookshelves. It's pretty wonderful.

Thing 2: The Rabble first draft is in!
It was hard work and there is a lot more hard work to come, but it is done and I have done it. I have been celebrating by finally tidying my living room and spending a lot more time on Twitter.

Oh, and showing off the beautiful cover. (C) Strange Chemistry 

And just doing this whenever I look at it or anyone mentions it or I remember that it exists (C) Disney

Thing 3: Wait, are we just pretending you haven't vanished from the blogosphere for like six months?

Sorry, did you say something? You'll have to speak up, I can't hear you over the sound of me pretending I didn't vanish from the blogosphere. 

Thing 4: KITTENS!

We adopted a very beautiful, very timid pair of kittens, Misty and Midnight, from the local RSPCA. They are getting bigger and less timid every day and it's a joy to watch.

Misty (top) and Midnight (bottom) being beautiful (C) me

I wrote most of Rabble sitting in their room and getting distracted by their wonderousness so if at any point the first draft suddenly says something like:

'But we have to get the Cluster stone because OMG Midnight you are the cutest look at you licking your sister,' I said, and spontaneously turned into a butterfly from sheer joy.

that will be why.

Thing 5: A siege (or 'sedge' but Rule of Cool means I'm going with 'siege') of graffiti herons
Spotted along my bus route to the station over the last couple of months. There are at least five of these, most of which I haven't got pictures of, because moving bus + photo tends to come out like this:

Yeah, no. There is a graffiti heron in this picture I promise. (C) me

But I did manage to grab a picture of this one:

Awesomeness (C) me/the graffiti artist

And my favourite:

EXTREME awesomeness (C) me/the graffiti artist

SKULK PUBLICATION DAY!

This is it. This is the day. Today I am a published author in America anyway.

Do you live in America? Or like to shop on American websites just for the hell of it? Not pre-ordered your copy of Skulk yet? As of today you can go to any one of these places and get your own absolutely real not even kidding copy!

http://www.indiebound.org/indie-store-finder
http://www.indiebound.org/book/9781908844705
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/skulk-rosie-best/1114975131?ean=9781908844705
http://www.amazon.com/Skulk-Rosie-Best/dp/1908844701/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1380621793&sr=8-1&keywords=Skulk

And if you live in the UK or really like paying for things in pounds, as of Thursday you can go here:

http://www.hive.co.uk/book/skulk/17794001/
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Skulk-Rosie-Best/dp/1908844701/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1380624295&sr=8-2&keywords=Skulk
http://localbookshops.tbphost.co.uk/TBP.Web//PurchaseProduct/OrderProduct/CustomerSelectProduct/FindARetailer.aspx?d=localbookshops&s=C&r=10000020&ui=0&bc=0

So that's cool.

It's funny, it's a little bit like Christmas except that the rest of the world doesn't realise it's happening, and I got my big box of twenty identical presents last week. And it's also just like a normal Tuesday except that yesterday I was not a published author, and today I am!

I'm off to do some work, then make a start on the epic flat tidy of epic epicness, and then maybe buy a cake or something!

Things and Stuff #13

Things and Stuff is a grab-bag of things that've been on my mind this week. In this edition: BOOKS, partay, wedding, blogs, witch.

Thing 1: my copies of Skulk arrived!
In fact, they failed to arrive so I had to go to the depot to pick them up and get mildly lost in Acton and wear a high-vis jacket and walk down a special customers-only path and search through a big pile of boxes looking for the right one but then I found it and it had Grantham Book Service on the side and I got it home and opened it up and omg.

It's a real book with real pages and my real name on the really shiny cover and a really minor typo that J found almost instantly and I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT (C) me

Thing 2: be there or be somewhere else
The Skulk Launch Party is officially on for October the 12th at 5pm in the Big Green Bookshop. Facebook event with RSVP function here: https://www.facebook.com/events/552926601463023/?notif_t=plan_user_joined

Thing 3: wedding!
Last weekend I went to Edinburgh for a really fabulous wedding. Geeks I love and don't see enough of were everywhere, the registrar said she'd never seen anyone impersonate a zombie during a reading before, I cried all the way through the ceremony, there was a very adorable baby at our table, a tiny Indian woman in a brightly-coloured sari danced a ceilidh with an incredibly tall Scottish man in a kilt and stompy boots, Jessie literally danced all the way through her tights, and two of the best people ever joined together in legal matrimony. It was fantastic.

Thing 4: the blog story so far
I've worried about making London seem too touristy, listed awesome fictional foxes and gone off on a tiny tangent about Nazis, revealed Meg's favourite music video and comfort movie, linked to a video of me singing on the day I got the Skulk offer, revealed my own comfort movie and admitted to a weird impulse related to romance novels, come out as a terrible procrastinator, waffled about identity and diversity and code switching, referenced Neverwhere for like the eighth time and Hellblazer for the first time, and admitted that getting spiders to emote is really tricky.

Thing 5: this picture of Meryl Streep in a tree

I'm not good, I'm not nice, I'm just right. (C) Sondheim/Lapine/Entertainment Weekly

Awesome.

I've been all excited about the Sondheim musical Into the Woods getting made into a movie, especially when the director is the Rob Marshall who made Chicago. I've devoted a fairly goodish amount of time recently to daydreaming about just how they're going to manage the massive tone shifts and the big group numbers where everyone's in different places and the big meta twists and the fact that it's just so stagey... and yet for some reason I hadn't checked its IMDB page until today. Simon Russell Beale! Frances de la Tour! James Corden! The kid who was Gavroche in Les Mis! Christine Baranski! I'm a little worried that there's no narrator listed because the narrator is one of the best things about the show, but then, but then, thanks to The Mary Sue I just found these - unofficial set pics of a bunch of the cast in costume!

I mean really. L-R: Prince Charming, Baker's Wife, Baker. (C) Chris Pine, Emily Blunt, James Corden, plus Disney and Rob Marshall and the heroic observer who took this photo

OMG.

how. perfect. is. this. (C) as above plus Anna Kendrick and Anna Kendrick's 'oh god what did I just marry' face

Yep. Officially excited again.

Skulk: THE COVER REVEAL

Here it comes.

Skulking out of the shadows of the Strange Chemistry design department.

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?

Drumroll please...

TADAH.

Isn't it gorgeous?

Coming to a bookshop near you on the 1st (US) and 3rd (UK) of October, available for pre-order now from all good book peddlers including this one.

A million thanks to Strange Chemistry, and ARGH! Oxford/Stephen Meyer Rassow.

7 Very Good Reasons You Should Pre-Order Skulk

I know, I said I was going to do a blog about obscure Tolkien characters next. But Luthien's going to have to wait, because on Friday I found out that SKULK IS AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER.

Every positive step along the publication trail feels like, to paraphrase Martin Lawrence, stuff just got real. When an agent asks to read the book, when you sign up with them, when a publisher makes happy noises to your agent about your story, when they take it to acquisitions, when they make an offer, when you sign a contract, when you get your edits...

But the biggest stuff just got really real jolt so far has definitely been discovering that right now this minute you can go along to your preferred seller of books and give them money in exchange for your very own actual copy of Skulk.

Why should you pre-order it, though? I mean, it'll still be there when October rolls around. Well, here are some very good reasons:

1: Pre-orders help me sell more books
When bookshops and libraries and internet book stockists see that people are pre-ordering a book, especially a debut, it makes them look at that book and that writer differently. It makes them think, 'hmm, I see people actually want to read this book. Is this the next Hunger Games? We'd better make sure we've got a couple of copies in stock.' That means more copies in shops, which means more people find out about it. I have no pretensions that Skulk is the next Hunger Games, but they don't have to know that. The more people who pre-order Skulk, or go into bookshops and ask where they can get a copy, the more we can trick bookshops into thinking maybe this is a book that could make us all rich.

2: Going into a bookshop to pre-order helps them sell other books too
Because let's be frank, you're not going to go in there and pre-order a book without looking around and maybe buying a little something for your summer holiday, are you? And even if you do somehow manage that, you'll be giving a bookshop money which makes them more successful which lets them buy more books which makes the whole industry better. Pre-order Skulk, become a benefactor for all literature forever.

3: Pre-orders help spread word of mouth which is basically the driving force of publishing nowadays and all that stands between Skulk and the NYT bestseller list
Especially if you take a second to tell someone else that you've ordered it! Perhaps on the internet...

4: You'll be the first to get a copy
And that's just awesome. If you love it, you can buy copies for everyone you know, and if you hate it you can start collecting dry wood for the bonfire. (Better buy up all the copies, that way you can make sure nobody ever reads it, and we want that fire to get nice and toasty).

5: If you order it in the next week, you'll be able to say you bought a copy of the book before it was finished
This freaks me out a little bit, but it's true. I'm writing this post as procrastination from editing the book! So really what you're buying if you order Skulk this week is a world of infinite possibility. By the time it gets to you it could be anything! (It's not going to be anything, it's going to be Skulk - but right now it could be anything. Oooooooooh.)

6: You'll probably forget
That is, if you're anything like me. You'll forget that you put 'totally go and buy a copy of Skulk when it comes out' on your mental to do list. If you pre-order it now, you'll get a handy reminder when it comes out in October, in the form of a copy of the book, which is the best kind of reminder.

7: You'll probably forget
The awesome flipside to forgetfulness? Surprise book! At the beginning of October you'll hear a thud on your doormat/open the door for the postie/get a 'you weren't here' slip through your letter box, and you'll think 'what's this? It's from my favourite book-selling operation. But I didn't order anything in the last 5-7 working days...' And then you'll open it and discover it's Skulk and hopefully not be too disappointed. It's like you're buying your future self a surprise present.

So go, go to Amazon or Foyles or Blackwells or Waterstones or your local indie bookshop or library and tell them you'd like a copy of Skulk.

Please?

Things and Stuff #5

Things and Stuff is a grab-bag of things that've been on my mind this week. In this edition: Malorie, Thrones, Glorious, blogging, Ninjago

Thing 1 : Malorie Blackman is the new Children's Laureate!
She is such a brilliant writer and this is such a brilliant choice - if you don't know much about her (I suspect everyone who is reading this will know more about her than I do, but still) and you're wondering why it's brilliant, you should read this Guardian interview.

(It was a huge huge honour to have her as the writers' honorary chair for Undiscovered Voices 2012, sh'e's a wonderful person and the very idea that she's actually read the first chapter of Skulk is sort of mind-blowing.)

Thing 2: This week's episode of Game of Thrones
I'm not going to go into it in any great detail. But I was expecting something pretty amazing, and my reaction still went a little something like this:

Peterson isn't, is he? (C) the BBC

Thing 3: Glorious!
The concert on Tuesday night was really, really awesome. I'm still buzzing a little bit. 290 singers make an incredible noise and as usual David brought out the best in all of us. And it's going to be on the radio on Monday!

Thing 4: I didn't get a sensible blog up this Tuesday
I was due to, because it's been a whole two weeks. To be fair, I had work followed by lunch followed by work followed by a concert. But all that really means is I should've thought about that in advance and written one on Monday.

Sorry about that. I've got one I like for this Tuesday! Maybe don't get your hopes up for any kind of measurable insightfulness or relevance to anything, though: it's about obscure characters from The Lord of the Rings. Sorry.

Thing 5: toy-based children's television
Did you know, Lego: Ninjago is actually really entertaining? Incredibly strange - it's set in ancient China but the bad guys in episode one are a skeleton motorbike gang, which is something I'm not convinced we could get away with in any WP book series. But Ninjago is also actually pretty funny, inventive and exciting. I have to admit to also having a major fondness for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and laughing out loud at episodes of Bob the Builder more than once.

I've watched all of these shows on Youtube, of course. What is a te-le-vi-sion? (C) Keith Chapman

It's slightly hard to accept that these stories that are explicitly created to sell toys (so much so that Lego Ninjago isn't actually shown on any UK channels because of laws about advertising to children) does not have to be creatively bankrupt. There's something definitely a bit icky about the concept of the ever-expanding merchandising opportunities that go with these shows. Did you know each Ninjago character has three different costumes? And weapons? And a dragon each? And lots of different vehicles and locations and bits and pieces?

I don't think you could argue that that aspect doesn't matter when you're looking at the TV shows that children watch (and they do watch Ninjago, apparently - they just watch it on youtube). But I am actually really comforted to know that as well as some genius business brains wringing every last penny out of pestered parents... there's actually someone behind the scenes writing engaging plots and funny jokes as well. If they're going to be hooked on advertising dressed up as drama, and let's face it, they are... it might as well be good.

Things and Stuff #4

Things and Stuff is a grab-bag of things that've been on my mind this week. In this edition: bestsellers, concert, varnish, Gunnerkrigg, eagles

Thing 1: These two really interesting posts about what makes a book a bestseller
First, John Green posted about the factors that he thinks came together to make The Fault In Our Stars the phenomenon that it is. He talks about his editor, his publicist, his publishing house, the book itself, and the evangelical readers. He also explains why he doesn't think that his massive online presence or his gender have very much to do with it. Critics loved the book, but who made sure the critics read it? Why could bookshops easily display his previous books as a set?

Like this (C) Karen Kavett, who designed the lovely box art

Secondly, Jennifer Barnes takes this idea and expands upon it. She talks about publishing success as a flow-chart with lots of feedback loops, where every aspect of the book and the author continually feed into the book's chances of success. She argues (and in my opinion she's spot on) that elements like the author's gender can't be dismissed as part of the equation but it's not helpful to imagine they exist in a vacuum. If you're interested in publishing and books and bookselling, read this post! It's a bit long but it explains all this far better than I could.

Thing 2: The first thirty seconds of I Was Glad
I was on The One Show this week! Check out the Youtube clip of it here. My choir, Crouch End Festival Chorus, supplied a little group of singers to illustrate a conversation about the anniversary of the coronation, which is on Tuesday, June the 4th.

Not at all coincidentally, we're doing a concert on that evening in the Royal Festival Hall, including Walton's Coronation Te Deum, various coronation hymns and Belshazzar's Feast, which is one of my favourite pieces in the world. And we're being joined by our sort of sister-choir the Hertfordshire Chorus and the Dessoff Choir all the way from New York City. There will be 291 of us. It's going to be pretty amazing. If you're in London on the 4th, you should come!

Thing 3: this nailvarnish
The colour is called The Iron Price.

WE DO NOT SOW (C) me, varnish by Fanchromatic Nails

It's come out much redder in this picture - in person it's much more of a rusty red-brown colour with massive chunks of red and silver. Looks like an old boat's been torn apart in a horrific sea battle and the result is painted on my nails. I love it.

Thing 4: this page of Gunnerkrigg Court
Gunnerkrigg Court is a really, really cool webcomic about two friends who go to a very strange school. Annie's got a magic stone and a way of getting on with strange creatures, and Kat is a mechanical genius. There are ghosts, fairies, lots of robots, spider demons, a giant crab and the trickster god Coyote. There's a forest and an industrial complex, divided by a huge chasm. People can teleport and go on field trips into space. And the evolution of the art style is also amazing to watch, if you're into that sort of thing. It's awesome, and well worth the time to read from the beginning if you never have.

Also there's a fox-creature in it which I love (C) Tom Siddell, available at Topatoco

There have been a few hints of romance - there are some older student characters who are boyfriend and girlfriend, and a very sad storyline about a boy who was also a bird. And there's also a relationship between a robot and a shadow which is just beautiful. But the comic has also been dropping hints for a while that Kat isn't straight, and I think it'd be hard to read it without feeling at some point as if Kat and Annie could be an item at some point in the future. But the problem with those feelings is that in general, they don't come to anything. I have a whole post on subtext and gay characters and fanfiction planned for some other time, but I'm used to recognising subtext but not holding my breath that it would ever become text.

Am I supposed to resist including two pieces of art from GC here? Well, tough. It's gorgeous. (C) Tom Siddell, also available as a print from Topatoco

This week, finally, a girl asked Kat out and she said yes.

I am so, so pleased about this. Not just because I want there to be gay characters in everything, though let's be honest, I sort of do. But because there's really not enough of the sweet, age-appropriate romance for tweens with gay characters. I think it's probably getting better, but there still aren't enough stories about gay tweens at all, let alone ones that aren't preachy and awkward. Kat's sexuality is a naturally-building, slow-burn storyline and I love it because it's what real life ought to be like: not substantially different than if one of the girls had been a boy.

Thing 5: Crystal Palace 1 - 0 Watford
YAAAAAAY EAGLES! We're going into the Premier League! We're going to be the worst team in the best league!

Some football players I feel vaguely guilty that I can't name, (C) Crystal Palace FC

I'm not the biggest Palace supporter in the world - I almost never actually watch football and I've only been to one game (it was a play-off, and we lost), but I still have a very soft spot for them in my heart. They are perpetual underdogs somehow, despite actually being quite good. And now they're Premier League underdogs! GET IN.